Assad Promises To Stick With Conventional Methods Of Mass Murder
After destroying its chemical weapons production capability, the Syrian regime has promised it will only use regular methods of killing its own people in future.
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Fox News Thrilled That People Still Can’t Sign Up For Health Care
Employees at Fox News are reported to be thrilled over new figures showing record numbers of people are still failing to sign up for Obamacare.
Barack Obama Declares Local Dry Cleaner Enemy Combatant After Bad Service
Barack Obama has taken an unprecedented step in the War on Terror by declaring a local dry cleaner a terrorist organisation after losing multiple items of the president’s clothing.
Romney Unveils New Campaign Message: “I Was Kidding This Whole Time”
In a move to win over increasingly sceptical voters, Mitt Romney has unveiled his new campaign message to the voting public : “I was just fooling with you guys”.
UN To Use Bigger Adjectives When Discussing Syria Bloodshed
The UN has indicated it will make a firm stand against Syria’s president by pledging to use stronger adjectives to describe the ongoing massacre in the country.
2112: Goal Line Technology “Almost Ready” Say Fifa
Fifa President Sepp Blatter has given football fans encouragement by announcing goal line technology is “very close” to being introduced into professional football.
Local Man Curses Luck After Drawing Greece in Eurozone Sweepstakes
A public sector worker has been made to seriously question his fortunes after drawing Greece in his office Eurozone sweepstake.
“Consult Physician If Interest In Debate Lasts More Than Four Hours” Mexicans Told
Mexican males are being advised to seek medical advice after the appearance of an assistant in a revealing dress led to an interest in politics lasting for more than four hours.
Bigots Forced To Decide Which They Hate Less: Black Guy Or Mormon
Voters who class themselves as bigots are being forced to face an “impossible choice” in the 2012 presidential elections: choosing between a Mormon and a black guy.
Colombian Sex Workers Downgrade US Credit Rating
Colombian sex workers have downgraded the credit rating of the United States after the inability of Secret Service agents to cover a $47 charge.