Donald Trump To Build Wall Around North Pole
Donald Trump has announced a controversial plan to build a wall around the North Pole in order to keep “the wrong kind of presents from entering America.”
New York
MH370: Black Box Discovery Could Hamper Wild Speculation Efforts
24-hour news networks have expressed concern that the discovery of flight MH370’s black box could damage efforts to pass wild speculation off as news.
Illuminati To Take Break, Will Let World Run Itself For A While
Illuminati leadership have announced they will take a month-long break from covertly controlling world events to let things play out on their own for a bit.
UN Investigation Confirms Captain Obvious Not Real Captain
The UN has confirmed “unequivocally and objectively” that Captain Obvious is not a real army captain
Joy As Millions of New Yorkers Now Able To Charge Their iPhones
After the most devastating natural disaster to hit the state, returning power to Lower Manhattan has allowed thousands of residents to finally charge their iPhone.
Peace Talks Between Chris Brown and Drake “In Tatters”
UN Special envoy Kofi Annan has called on Chris Brown and Drake to re-enter negotiations after initial peace talks broke down this week.
UN To Use Bigger Adjectives When Discussing Syria Bloodshed
The UN has indicated it will make a firm stand against Syria’s president by pledging to use stronger adjectives to describe the ongoing massacre in the country.
Stuntman Fails To Jump U.S. Economic Inequality Gap
Worrying reports out of New York indicate that an U.S. born daredevil has suffered serious injuries after a failed attempt to jump America’s growing inequality gap.
“How Will People Know I’ve Got The New One?” Say Insecure iPhone Users
Apple have been slammed for releasing a phone that looks identical to the last one, leaving insecure users with no visible way to demonstrate their social superiority to strangers.
Barack Obama Declares Spider-Man Musical ‘A National Disaster’
United States President Barack Obama has officially declared Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark a “major” national disaster.