Ashley Young Called Up To British Olympic Diving Team
Manchester United winger Ashley Young has received a surprise call up to join Team GB after a number of impressive dives in recent weeks.
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Syrian President: The Villas-Boas Reign Is Now Untenable
Bashar al Assad has launched a scathing attack on Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas, calling for a swift end to his managerial reign before any more damage is done to the club.
Wikipedia Outage Leads Students To Cut And Paste From Library Books
The day long Wikipedia blackout has resulted in millions worth of damage as students cut and paste from library books to compete reports.
Rail Operators To Increase Taking The Piss By 5.9%
Rail operators will increase taking the piss with ticket prices by an average of 5.9% in the New Year, the Association of Train Operating Companies has confirmed.
Mary Poppins “Still Missing” After Heavy Winds Grip Country
The Metropolitan police force have confirmed their search for Mary Poppins is ongoing, days after gale force winds gripped much of the country.
Evolutionary Scientists “Baffled” By Existance Of Early Human Bigot
Human evolution experts are said to be ‘utterly baffled’ over new video evidence showing an early species of human making racist comments to tram passengers in 21st Century Britain.
IOC Warn “London Travel Costs Will Hamstring Olympic Athletes”
A growing number of Olympic athletes fear they will be unable to afford London travel costs required to reach designated games venues a year from now.
Sherlock Holmes ‘Struggling’ To Find Out Why Nick Clegg Still Around
Sherlock Holmes has admitted he has yet to solve the mystery of why Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg is still in government.
Al-Qaeda Unsuccessful In Bid to Get Tickets For 2012 Olympics
London Metropolitan Police have been given a major boost ahead of the 2012 Olympics after al-Qaeda failed to get any ‘decent’ tickets for the most popular events.
London Riots Brought to Halt After Mums Deployed To Streets
The rioting in the streets of London has been brought to an abrupt end after Metropolitan Police decided to deploy a squad of mothers to quell trouble-makers.