Arsene Wenger: “Mugabe Should Have Got More Time”
EMIRATES, LONDON – Arsenal Manager Arsene Wenger is reported to be “very surprised indeed” to see Robert Mugabe willingly resign from his role as dictator.
football
Lee Nelson Throws Money At Sepp Blatter, Awarded 2026 World Cup
Lee Nelson has been awarded the 2026 World Cup moments after throwing piles of banknotes over FIFA President Sepp Blatter during a press conference.
Human Remains “Men Who Forgot Valentine’s Day” Say Crossrail
New Crossrail-led research has identified a burial site containing the bones of over 5000 men who completely forgot it was Valentine’s Day today.
FIFA Order Luis Suarez To Be Properly Fed Before Matches
FIFA’s independent disciplinary committee have order Luis Suarez to eat three square meals a day after biting Giorgio Chiellini.
Grief Clinics Set To Stay Open For England World Cup Matches
David Cameron has overruled the Home Office and ordered a review to ensure that grief clinic opening hours can be extended for England’s World Cup matches.
English FA Urge FIFA To Move Qatar 2022 World Cup To 1966
The FA have called on FIFA to “seriously consider” moving the Qatar World Cup to the summer of 1966.
UN Deploy Hawk Eye To Determine Whether Syria Has Crossed the Line
The UN has chosen to use Hawk-Eye technology in Syria in order to determine whether the Assad regime has crossed the line in it’s crackdown on rebel forces.
Traces of Horsemeat Found in Premier League Footballer
The horsemeat scandal took an unexpected turn this weekend after traces of horsemeat were found in players of British football clubs.
Pope Benedict Admits God No Longer Answering His Phone Calls
Pope Benedict XVI has admitted for the first time that God has not been returning his calls as often as He used to since leaving his post at the Vatican.
Benitez Gains Support of Fans After Sleeping With Wayne Bridge’s Missus
Rafa Benitez has endeared himself to fans after announcing he had slept with Wayne Bridge’s missus prior to the club’s Champions League exit.