Donald Trump To Start Trade War Over Foreign Vibranium
UNITED STATES – In a major escalation of his aggressive trade rhetoric, Donald Trump has announced he plans to impose punishing tariffs on all imported vibranium.
Administration
Trump Administration Adds Agrabah To Travel Ban
WASHINGTON D.C. – The Trump administration has further risked international relations after a decision to add the mythical city of Agrabah to the travel ban.
White House: Media Not Reporting Smurf Village Massacre
Donald Trump has lashed out at the “dishonest media” for continuing to underreport serious incidents of terror, including the recent Smurf Village Massacre.
UN Security Council Criticises Sun’s Nuclear Program
The UN is ‘considering all available options’ after the Sun unleashed a powerful solar flare last week, casting serious doubt over its nuclear program.
Barack Obama Sends Hosni Mubarak Angry, All Caps Email
US President Barack Obama has reportedly sent an impassioned, all caps email to Hosni Mubarak requesting his ‘IMMEDIATE’ departure from power.
America Propose Kermit The Frog For New Egypt Government
The Obama administration is discussing a proposal to turn over power to a transitional government headed by Kermit the Frog, say top administration officials.
McDonald’s Recall Burgers Over Real Beef Scare
McDonald’s have been forced to recall as many as nine million Big Macs, Double Cheeseburgers and Big Tastys after fears that they could contain as much as 100% real beef.
Barack Obama Warns of Nuclear Threat From Boogieman
Preseident Barack Obama today stated that the biggest threat to international security is the possibility of the Boogieman obtaining nuclear weapons.
“No Legislation Until We Get A Bouncy Castle” Say GOP
Republicans have wasted no time in setting their agenda for the new year by threatening to block all legislation until Barack Obama agreed to install a bouncy castle on the floor of the House of Representatives
America ‘Not Invited’ to UN Christmas Party
The US government has begun a major ass kissing campaign after outrage over diplomatic cables left them without an invite to the annual UN Christmas party.