Ohio Residents Brace For Approaching Storm of Campaign Ads
Residents of Ohio are being told to prepare for a “superstorm” of political campaign advertisement ahead of the 2012 presidential election this week.
2012
Romney Unveils New Campaign Message: “I Was Kidding This Whole Time”
In a move to win over increasingly sceptical voters, Mitt Romney has unveiled his new campaign message to the voting public : “I was just fooling with you guys”.
Microsoft Expect Hotmail Facelift Will Bring User Numbers Back Above 10
Microsoft have announced the latest revamp to its Hotmail service is expected to bring the free web mail clients users base up to “ten or more people at least.”
Watching Slow Plodding England Caused Lonesome George’s Death Say Scientists
Following a postmortem on Lonesome George, experts have concluded England’s slow and plodding football was the cause of death of the world’s last giant tortoise.
Tougher Exams Require Students To Work Out How Big Brother Has Reached Season 13
In a bid to improve standards of primary school education students will now be graded against tougher exam questions, like how Big Brother has reached season number 13.
Bigots Forced To Decide Which They Hate Less: Black Guy Or Mormon
Voters who class themselves as bigots are being forced to face an “impossible choice” in the 2012 presidential elections: choosing between a Mormon and a black guy.
Mitt Romney Unveils New Campaign Slogan: “It’s Mathematically Impossible To Stop Me Now”
In an effort to boost his bid to clinch the Republican nominee, Mitt Romney has unveiled a new campaign slogan – “Mitt: It’s Mathematically Impossible to Stop Me Now”.
Syrian President: The Villas-Boas Reign Is Now Untenable
Bashar al Assad has launched a scathing attack on Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas, calling for a swift end to his managerial reign before any more damage is done to the club.
Olympic 2012 Mascot Row: 26p An Admin Error, “Should Have Been 62p”
Makers of Olympic mascot cuddly toys have apologised for an error that caused Chinese labour wages to show as 26p per hour instead of the “industry standard” of 62p.
Rail Operators To Increase Taking The Piss By 5.9%
Rail operators will increase taking the piss with ticket prices by an average of 5.9% in the New Year, the Association of Train Operating Companies has confirmed.