Arsene Wenger: “Mugabe Should Have Got More Time”
EMIRATES, LONDON – Arsenal Manager Arsene Wenger is reported to be “very surprised indeed” to see Robert Mugabe willingly resign from his role as dictator.
Sport
Lee Nelson Throws Money At Sepp Blatter, Awarded 2026 World Cup
Lee Nelson has been awarded the 2026 World Cup moments after throwing piles of banknotes over FIFA President Sepp Blatter during a press conference.
FIFA Order Luis Suarez To Be Properly Fed Before Matches
FIFA’s independent disciplinary committee have order Luis Suarez to eat three square meals a day after biting Giorgio Chiellini.
Russia’s Losing Hockey Team Still Missing After Sochi Games
Latest reports from Sochi suggest the entire Russian hockey team have yet to be seen since their quarter final loss in a game watched by Vladimir Putin.
Grief Clinics Set To Stay Open For England World Cup Matches
David Cameron has overruled the Home Office and ordered a review to ensure that grief clinic opening hours can be extended for England’s World Cup matches.
God Struggling To Decide Which Team Deserves Super Bowl Win More
Worrying reports from Heaven suggest that with only a day to go until Super Bowl XLVIII, God has yet to decide which team deserves to win the game.
David Moyes To Undergo Medical After Suggesting Man Utd Still In Title Race
Manchester United have ordered David Moyes to undergo an “urgent” medical after he claimed his team were still in the title race with a straight face.
England To Practise With World Cup Ball Now “As We Won’t See It During Tournament”
England have made plans to train with the new World Cup Ball after acknowledging they will see very little of it during the competition.
Djemba-Djemba “Shocked” Not To Be Belittled In Ferguson Book
Former Manchester United player Eric Djemba-Djemba is said to have been left “shocked” not to be slammed in Sir Alex Ferguson’s new autobiography.
English FA Urge FIFA To Move Qatar 2022 World Cup To 1966
The FA have called on FIFA to “seriously consider” moving the Qatar World Cup to the summer of 1966.