“We Still Don’t See The Link Between Guns and Gun Violence” Say NRA
The US National Rifle Association have cautioned the rest of the world for attempting to link gun to gun violence when “we can’t see any connection whatsoever.”
World News
Government Ditches Web Surveillance Plans, Uses Facebook Instead
Relenting to public outcry, David Cameron announced the government will ditch controversial web surveillance plans and just friend people on Facebook instead.
Attack Submarine Recalled After Targeting George Osborne As National Threat
The Royal Navy’s £1.2 billion attack submarine has been recalled after mistakenly targeted George Osborne as a threat to the nation following his Autumn Statement.
End Times #1 Excuse Given By Men Who Haven’t Begun Christmas Shopping
A recent consumer survey suggests the Mayan doomsday prophecy is now the number one reason men everywhere have still not begun their Christmas shopping.
Benitez Gains Support of Fans After Sleeping With Wayne Bridge’s Missus
Rafa Benitez has endeared himself to fans after announcing he had slept with Wayne Bridge’s missus prior to the club’s Champions League exit.
Hot Air From Global Warming Talks Now Leading Cause of Global Warming
The world’s climate change experts have warned the hot air produced from ongoing global warming talks has now become the leading cause of global warming.
Rafael Benitez Signs Rolling Minute to Minute Contract At Chelsea
Chelsea have appointed Rafael Benitez as their new manager on a rolling minute to minute contract.
Toys R Us: Energizer Bunny Ran “Most Sophisticated” Doping Operation
A shocking Toys R US report has detailed the Energizer Bunny’s leading role in “the most sophisticated, professionalised and successful doping programme this store has ever seen”.
Physical Manifestation of Rush Limbaugh’s Blind Rage Early 2016 Frontrunner
After Barack Obama’s re-election, a physical manifestation of Rush Limbaugh’s blind rage is being tipped to become GOP candidate for president in 2016.
Republicans Claim Voter Intimidation After Black Man Added to Election Ballot
The validity of the 2012 presidential election has been questioned by Republicans, accusing Democrats of voter intimidation by adding a black man to the ballot.