Hansel and Gretel Found To Contain Traces of War Horse
Paramount Pictures have been forced to recall their new movie from cinemas after initial screenings confirmed it contained traces of War Horse.
World News
DNA Confirms Bones Are of Blackberry User Waiting for Better Phone
A skeleton found beneath a Leicester car park has been confirmed as a Blackberry customer who waited for RIM to release a better phone.
HMV Addresses “The Internet” Threat in Recovered 1995 Memo
The following is a recovered 1995 memo from HMV to its employees in response to the emergence of “The Internet”.
Yogi Bear “Comes Clean” About Defecating in Woods in Oprah Interview
Oprah Winfrey has announced the conclusion of her “frank and honest” interview with Yogi Bear over allegations he defecated in a local wooded area.
Americans Avoid Fiscal Cliff By Throwing Congress Over Actual Cliff
In an unexpected resolution, Americans have agreed an 11th hour deal to solve the country’s economic problems by pushing members of congress over an actual cliff.
Government Calls on Santa to Get More Poor Children on Nice List
The government has called on Santa Claus to get more children from poorer backgrounds on to the Nice List after this year’s delivery of presents.
Santa’s Reindeer Call For Christmas Eve Strike Over Pay
Christmas Eve plans have been thrown into turmoil after Blitzen, Dancer, Prancer and other reindeer threatened Santa with strike action on December 24th.
Every Weather Reporter on Earth Forecasting Cloud With Chance of Fireballs
Local weather reporters across the planet have advised their viewers to prepare for an outbreak of dark cloud followed by falling fire from the sky and the likely end of the world.
David Cameron Calls For Leveson To Add “Slap on the Wrist” Clause To Report
David Cameron has called for a slap on the wrist amendment to the list of laws recommended in the Leveson Report into media ethics.
Pope To Further Reach Out To Young People By Skipping Christmas Mass
Following his arrival to Twitter, the Pope has outlined plans to double down on his efforts to reach young people by skipping this year’s Christmas Mass ceremony.