Illuminati To Take Break, Will Let World Run Itself For A While
Illuminati leadership have announced they will take a month-long break from covertly controlling world events to let things play out on their own for a bit.
World News
Kanye West Interrupts Pope Francis Person Of The Year Speech
Kanye West has sparked more controversy after interrupting the Pope Francis’ acceptance speech for the Person of the Year award.
Google Confirm “Yes, Our Robots Will Eventually Destroy Humanity”
After its purchase of a military grade robotics company, Google have confirmed that yes, they are trying to start a robot apocalypse that will kill us all.
SpongeBob SquarePants Calls For Strike In Krusty Krab Pay Protest
SpongeBob Squarepants has become the latest fast food worker to call for strike action in a dispute with the Krusty Krab over low hourly pay.
Edward Snowden Leak Reveals Extent of Santa Surveillance Program
Fresh leaks from whistleblower Edward Snowden have exposed the existence of a mass surveillance program used by Santa to monitor naughty and nice children.
Kim Jong-Un Executes Uncle “To Reduce Hassle Of Christmas Shopping”
Kim Jong-Un has explained his decision to execute his uncle came after struggling to find a suitable Christmas gift for the former regime advisor.
Tigger Charged For Punching Eeyore Over Use Of Word “Tigger”
An altercation has broken out at the home of Winnie the Pooh after a close friend needed to be restrained following inappropriate use of the word “Tigger”.
Npower To Honour Nelson Mandela By Increasing Prices Another 2.7%
Energy supplier Npower has announced it will raise its energy prices a further 2.7% to mark the memory of Nelson Mandela’s time in prison.
David Moyes To Undergo Medical After Suggesting Man Utd Still In Title Race
Manchester United have ordered David Moyes to undergo an “urgent” medical after he claimed his team were still in the title race with a straight face.
England To Practise With World Cup Ball Now “As We Won’t See It During Tournament”
England have made plans to train with the new World Cup Ball after acknowledging they will see very little of it during the competition.