Bank of England Use Fifa Ranking Formula to Show Economy Growing at 98%
The Bank of England has increased its growth forecast from 0.8% to approximately 98% since employing the same formula Fifa uses to rank international football teams.
World News
Olympics: Incredible Hulk Protests Innocence Amid Doping Controversy
The Incredible Hulk is fighting to save his reputation after being accused of taking performance enhancing substances during the London Olympics.
Microsoft Expect Hotmail Facelift Will Bring User Numbers Back Above 10
Microsoft have announced the latest revamp to its Hotmail service is expected to bring the free web mail clients users base up to “ten or more people at least.”
Conservatives Charged With Keeping Liberal Democrats in Servitude
Two members of the Conservative party have been charged with forcing destitute Liberal Democrats in servitude a court has heard.
Response Letter From John Terry: “How Can I Be A Racist?”
The following is a letter sent by John Terry in the wake of being found not guilty of a racially aggravated public order offence.
O2 Users Forced To Speak To Each Other After Mobile Phone Outage
Millions of O2 phone owners have been forced to hold conversations in person after a mobile phone blackout this week.
Peter Higgs Finds Right Subatomic Particle After Placing Ad In Match.com
Scientists at CERN have paid tribute to match.com for enabling Peter Higgs to finally find the subatomic particle “he’s been looking for all his life.”
“Consensual Man Woman Relations Is Where We Draw The Line,” Say Catholic Church
The Pope has accepted the resignation of a shamed bishop found guilty of having a sexual relationship with a “grown woman” who was “very close to his own age”.
Watching Slow Plodding England Caused Lonesome George’s Death Say Scientists
Following a postmortem on Lonesome George, experts have concluded England’s slow and plodding football was the cause of death of the world’s last giant tortoise.
Russia, Poland Slammed for Outbreak of Football During Mass Brawl
The football administrations of Russia and Poland have been forced to apologise to extremist groups over an unfortunate breakout of football during mass street brawls this week.