Medical Scientists Mystified By Spineless Paul Ryan
Scientists in America’s top medical institutes have reported being collectively mystified by Paul Ryan’s ability to walk without a spine.
Health
Republicans Unveil Google.com As Obamacare Alternative
Congressional House Republicans have unveiled their first genuine alternative to the Affordable Care Act: google.com.
Fox News Thrilled That People Still Can’t Sign Up For Health Care
Employees at Fox News are reported to be thrilled over new figures showing record numbers of people are still failing to sign up for Obamacare.
OJ Simpson Releases New Book: “IF I Did Get Fat”
OJ Simpson has published a new book in which he puts forward a hypothetical scenario of what could have caused him to gain weight while in prison.
Hansel and Gretel Found To Contain Traces of War Horse
Paramount Pictures have been forced to recall their new movie from cinemas after initial screenings confirmed it contained traces of War Horse.
McDonald’s To Change Burger Colour To Avoid Red Meat Health Warning
Officials at McDonald’s have confirmed they will be altering the colouring of their meat-like patties to avoid negative connotations associated with red meat.
Jury Sentences Carlos The Jackal To Life In NHS Nursing Home
A local court has convicted the international terrorist known as Carlos the Jackal and sentenced him to life in an NHS operated nursing home.
Link Between Phone Use and Talking Louder Than Necessary Confirmed
A recent study from the World Health Organization has revealed a ‘substantial and worrying’ link between mobile phone use and talking much louder than you need to.
David Cameron Put On Waiting List For NHS Reform
David Cameron has been placed on an NHS waiting and will likely have to wait ‘6 to 8 months’ to see someone about reforming Britain’s inefficient health system.
McDonald’s Recall Burgers Over Real Beef Scare
McDonald’s have been forced to recall as many as nine million Big Macs, Double Cheeseburgers and Big Tastys after fears that they could contain as much as 100% real beef.