UK and China Agree To £1.4bn Cheap Crap Deal
The UK and Chinese governments have announced a record £1.4 billion trade deal that will see an increase in the flow of counterfeit goods and cheap crap into Britain.
Business
Apple Reveal ‘Revolutionary’ New Way To Take Users Money
Apple CEO Steve Jobs has unveiled the iThing – a device and software service combination that will “transform the way we transfer money from your pocket to ours.”
IMF Chief Drops Soap, Receives Ironic Treatment In Jail
Dominique Strauss-Khan is said to be finding the level of irony in his treatment in jail difficult to take after reports of being “bent over and fu-ked” while on remand.
Domino’s Pizza To Replace NHS Direct Helpline
The UK government has said it will hand over responsibility of servicing all non-emergency health calls to Domino’s Pizza
Somali Pirates Hold Press Conference, Announce New Hostages
A gang of Somali pirates have officially unveiled a new line of unsuspecting hostages which they believed would totally ‘revolutionise’ the way governments bartered for human life
Escaped Snake Returns To Natural Wall Street Habitat
A deadly snake thought to be loose in the city after escaping from the Bronx Zoo has been found miles away in it’s natural habitat: Wall Street.
Banker Pees on Homeless Man, Explains Trickle Down Theory
A Wall Street banker has successfully communicated the fundamentals of Trickle down economics after taking a leak on a homeless man outside his office building.
Goldman Sachs Cancels Contract With God
In what looks to become a hostile legal battle, banking giant Goldman Sachs have announced that they are to cancel their ‘unworkable contract’ with God with immediate effect
HMV Discover Something Called “The Internet”
HMV executives believe they are ‘very close’ to determining the reason for the company’s recent poor performance with insiders revealing that it may have something to do with ‘this thing called the internet’.
Vatician Confirm Pope Partnership With Trojan Condoms
Trojan – manufacture of Magnum brand condoms – have unveiled Pope Benedict XVI as the face of a new line of extra sength condoms.