David Cameron’s Economic Outlook: “Actually, Britain Can’t Afford 2012”
Despite being less than 24 hours into the New Year, David Cameron has declared Britain can no longer afford to stay in 2012 and will return to the year 2011.
Business
Santa’s Workshop Conditions ‘Exposed’ In Undercover Report
Santa Claus has publicly defended conditions inside his workshop following a five month undercover investigation into poor working conditions.
“How Will People Know I’ve Got The New One?” Say Insecure iPhone Users
Apple have been slammed for releasing a phone that looks identical to the last one, leaving insecure users with no visible way to demonstrate their social superiority to strangers.
Greece Banned From Using Amazon 1-Click Ordering
In a move to tackle uncontrolled levels of national spending, The EU has decided to ban Greece from making purchases through Amazon’s 1-Click ordering.
EU Fear Greece Spending Bailout Money On Secret Drug Addiction
After calls for more financial aid following two seemingly ineffective rescue packages, the EU now suspect Greece of spending bailout money to fund a hidden drug addiction.
Acme Pay To Stop Wile E Coyote Using Products
Manufacturing conglomerate Acme Corp has offered to pay avid road runner chaser Wile E Coyote not to use its products.
Starbucks To Build New Shops Inside Other Coffee Shops
Starbucks have revealed their solution to a lack of expansion space by announcing they will begin opening new franchise locations inside rival coffee shops.
China Scolds US For Bringing Home ‘Shameful’ Grades
China has launched an astonishing attack on the United States after it received ‘shameful’ grades in it’s latest credit rating report card.
Barack Obama Launches Kickstarter Project To Service National Debt
United States President Barack Obama has signed up to Kickstarter in an unprecedented attempt to raise enough capital for the country to service it’s debt.
Darth Vader Calls For Empire To Reject Murdoch Death Star Bid
Darth Vader, Supreme Commander of the Imperial war machine, has urged the Galactic Empire to block a proposed hostile takeover of the Death Star by Rupert Murdoch.