Americans Avoid Fiscal Cliff By Throwing Congress Over Actual Cliff
In an unexpected resolution, Americans have agreed an 11th hour deal to solve the country’s economic problems by pushing members of congress over an actual cliff.
Business
EU Demand Greece Eat Pig Anus to Secure Next Installment of Bailout
In a move to toughen financial regulations, Eurozone finance ministers have demanded Greece eat pig anus in order to secure future bailout payments.
Bank of England Use Fifa Ranking Formula to Show Economy Growing at 98%
The Bank of England has increased its growth forecast from 0.8% to approximately 98% since employing the same formula Fifa uses to rank international football teams.
Leveson Inquiry: Sideshow Bob Questioned Over Phone Hacking
Ex News International executive and professional clown Sideshow Bob is the latest individual to be called up to the Leveson inquiry surrounding ethics in journalism.
Dr. Claw Defends Rupert Murdoch in Phone-Hacking Scandal
Evil villan Dr Claw has come out in defense of Rupert Murdoch after a parliamentary committee report insisted he was not fit to run an international corporation.
Banker Microchips “To Be Compulsory” Under New Safety Laws
Thousands of investment bankers are being made to pay for their employees to be fitted with microchips under new economic safety plans.
Colombian Sex Workers Downgrade US Credit Rating
Colombian sex workers have downgraded the credit rating of the United States after the inability of Secret Service agents to cover a $47 charge.
“We Don’t Need Help Making Ethnics Feel Alienated” Say Abercrmbie & Fitch
Abercrombie & Fitch have slammed the use of a racial slur on an imitation website, saying “our brand doesn’t need any help marginalising ethnic minorities.”
George Osborne Cuts 10% Rate of Income Tax Square in Monopoly
George Osborne has announced plans to cut the rate of the Income Tax Square to five per cent for earnings over £10,000 during a game of Monopoly.
Greece Reject EU Bailout In Favour of Wonga.com Loan
In a dramatic 11th hour decision, Greece have chosen to decline the latest EU bailout and will instead opt to borrow money from Wonga.com.