HP To Slaughter 9,000 Staff In Downsizing Exercise
Hewlett-Packard has announced plans to shed 9,000 jobs over three years by initiating a company-wide cull of employees.
USA
President Obama Fired After Rolling Stone Interview
Barack Obama was forced to resign as US President after making disparaging remarks about Fox News’s journalistic integrity in a Rolling Stone article.
Visa Announces Races Card
Visa have today unveiled the new Race Card, a credit card with a 0% balance transfer and ability to maximise situations were personal responsibility can be circumvented with the mention of race.
Wu Tang Clan Make Job Cuts As Unemployment Rises
After years of explosive growth, the Wu Tang Clan have been forced into an unexpected round of job cuts, pushing their unemployment rate past 20%.
Children Protest As Ahmadinejad Claims There Is No Santa
A group of second graders and their parents have staged an angered walk out after Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made stunning claims that ‘Santa Claus was not real’
BP Call End To Flow of Negative Media Reporting On Gulf
BP officials have formally declared an end to the outpouring of negative press after the Deepwater Horizon rig blew up on 20 April.
President Obama Condemns Harry Potter Book Burning
US President Barack Obama called plans for a group of Percy Jackson fans to burn books of rival fiction series Harry Potter ‘dangerous and inflammatory’.
Muslim Radicals To Christian Radicals: That’s Our Thing
Extremist Muslim radicals have branded extremist Christian radicals as ‘copy cats’ after a church revealed plans to burn the Koran on the anniversary of 9/11.
Bert Denies Allegations of Relationship With Ernie
In an emotional press conference, Bert has issued a statement condemning rumours of an improper relationship with male co-star Ernie as ‘utterly false’, insisting he, Ernie and Rubber Duckie were just friends.
Joe Biden Visits Iraq, Bores Audience With Pointless Story
The Iraqi pullout ceremony has been thrown into jepordy as US Vice President Joe Biden has begun telling a ‘long winded and largely uninteresting’ story about the time he discovered the joys of hot cocoa.