Nick Clegg: Britain Is Now The Nick Clegg of Europe
Nick Clegg has launched a scathing attack on David Cameron’s use of an EU veto, saying the Prime Minister risks turning Britain “into the me of Europe”.
UK
Batman: “The Batphone Was Hacked By News of the World”
Crime fighting vigilante Batman has given evidence to the Leveson inquiry after discovering the Batphone had been hacked by News of the World journalists.
Evolutionary Scientists “Baffled” By Existance Of Early Human Bigot
Human evolution experts are said to be ‘utterly baffled’ over new video evidence showing an early species of human making racist comments to tram passengers in 21st Century Britain.
James Murdoch Maintains He “Did Not Know Santa Claus Was Not Real”
In a two-and-a-half hour parliamentary hearing, James Murdoch has continued to deny being told three years ago that Santa Claus was not a real person.
Basildon Council Gently Reminds Travellers “Your Homes Have Wheels On Them”
Scenes of violence have been avoided after Basildon council reminded Dale Farm occupants facing eviction that their homes have wheels on them.
Osbourne Fixes Economy After Clegg Threatens To Get Involved
George Osbourne has announced he has solved every problem with the UK economy after hearing Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg had threatened to help.
Sherlock Holmes ‘Struggling’ To Find Out Why Nick Clegg Still Around
Sherlock Holmes has admitted he has yet to solve the mystery of why Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg is still in government.
Al-Qaeda Unsuccessful In Bid to Get Tickets For 2012 Olympics
London Metropolitan Police have been given a major boost ahead of the 2012 Olympics after al-Qaeda failed to get any ‘decent’ tickets for the most popular events.
Africa To Send Peacekeeping Force To England
The African Union has confirmed it will send peacekeeping troops to ensure “these mindless savages” did not descend again into violence.
London Riots Brought to Halt After Mums Deployed To Streets
The rioting in the streets of London has been brought to an abrupt end after Metropolitan Police decided to deploy a squad of mothers to quell trouble-makers.