Olympics Inspire Nation to Walk Instead of Drive to McDonald’s
After two weeks of watching athleticism of the highest order, millions of Olympic enthusiasts have been inspired to walk to their nearest McDonald’s instead of driving.
UK
Failing A-Level Students Happy To Avoid £9000 Tuition Fees
Thousands of below average students are said to be “ecstatic” to have avoided paying £9000 in tuition fees by receiving D grades and below.
Bank of England Use Fifa Ranking Formula to Show Economy Growing at 98%
The Bank of England has increased its growth forecast from 0.8% to approximately 98% since employing the same formula Fifa uses to rank international football teams.
Emergency Troops To Fill Empty Spaces on London Underground
The British government has confirmed it will look into reports of empty seats on the London Underground which has left locals without a convenient excuse to arrive late to work.
Conservatives Charged With Keeping Liberal Democrats in Servitude
Two members of the Conservative party have been charged with forcing destitute Liberal Democrats in servitude a court has heard.
Response Letter From John Terry: “How Can I Be A Racist?”
The following is a letter sent by John Terry in the wake of being found not guilty of a racially aggravated public order offence.
O2 Users Forced To Speak To Each Other After Mobile Phone Outage
Millions of O2 phone owners have been forced to hold conversations in person after a mobile phone blackout this week.
Tougher Exams Require Students To Work Out How Big Brother Has Reached Season 13
In a bid to improve standards of primary school education students will now be graded against tougher exam questions, like how Big Brother has reached season number 13.
David Cameron Accidentally Leaves Nick Clegg in Downing Street
David Cameron has issued a public apology after leaving Nick Clegg alone in Downing Street, and technically in charge of the country, for almost 15 minutes.
MoD To Make Indestructible New Body Armour From Jeremy Hunt
The Ministry of Defense has today confirmed it will begin producing the next generation of bullet proof armor from the same stuff that Jeremy Hunt is made of.