Government Calls on Santa to Get More Poor Children on Nice List
The government has called on Santa Claus to get more children from poorer backgrounds on to the Nice List after this year’s delivery of presents.
UK
David Cameron Calls For Leveson To Add “Slap on the Wrist” Clause To Report
David Cameron has called for a slap on the wrist amendment to the list of laws recommended in the Leveson Report into media ethics.
Attack Submarine Recalled After Targeting George Osborne As National Threat
The Royal Navy’s £1.2 billion attack submarine has been recalled after mistakenly targeted George Osborne as a threat to the nation following his Autumn Statement.
Benitez Gains Support of Fans After Sleeping With Wayne Bridge’s Missus
Rafa Benitez has endeared himself to fans after announcing he had slept with Wayne Bridge’s missus prior to the club’s Champions League exit.
Rafael Benitez Signs Rolling Minute to Minute Contract At Chelsea
Chelsea have appointed Rafael Benitez as their new manager on a rolling minute to minute contract.
Chelsea Eye Mark Clattenburg As Future Club Captain After Racist Remarks
Following allegations of racist comments towards a player, Chelsea insiders suggest the club are “definitely interested” in making Mark Clattenburg a future club captain.
Oldest Undeciphered Text “May Be First Ever Terms of Service Agreement”
Researchers have indicated that the world’s oldest undeciphered text could be the first recorded instance of a Term of Service agreement.
Jimmy Savile Charity to Change Name to “Jack the Ripper Trust”
The Jimmy Savile Charitable Trust has looked to avoid controversy by changing its name to the “Jack the Ripper Charitable Trust”.
Nick Clegg Joins West Ham on Season Long Loan
A surprise deadline day transfer has seen Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg leave the coalition government and sign for West Ham United on a season long loan.
Liverpool Sign Samsung Fridge Freezer As Andy Carroll Replacement
In a decisive move to prove cover in attack following the departure of Andy Carroll, Liverpool have bought a Samsung model fridge freezer from Currys.