HP To Slaughter 9,000 Staff In Downsizing Exercise
Hewlett-Packard has announced plans to shed 9,000 jobs over three years by initiating a company-wide cull of employees.
UK
Nick Clegg Hails Achievements in Home Decoration
In a dramatic attempt to prove his worth, Nick Clegg has hailed the ‘good things’ he has acheived with the Downing Street decor since forming government.
Ricky Hatton Admits Addiction To Crunchy Nut Cornflakes
Former world boxing champion Ricky Hatton has consulted a rehabilitation specialist following newspaper allegations he has become ‘heavily’ addicted to Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.
Afghan Violence ‘Will Get Worse Before It Gets Worser’
The UK’s most senior military commander has told the coalition government to expect violence in Afghanistan to get worse before it gets ‘even worser’
Coalition To Provide ‘Extensive’ Homeless Training For Graduates
The UK government has outlined it’s plan to provide ‘extensive training’ to help young people adapt to life on the streets when the education system fails them.
World Cup Inspector Found Dead In Lounge
A Fifa Inspector has been found dead two days after having privately criticised England’s bid to host the 2018 World Cup.
Taliban Soldiers Call For Medal of Honor Ban
Leading members of the Taliban have launched a scathing attack on the upcoming Medal of Honor game which will allow players to shoot Afghan terrorists over a number of realistic levels.
Iran To Extend Nuclear Family Programme
Iran has announced it will step up it’s plan to build more nuclear families across the country in defiance of western leaders demands for it to scale back it’s ‘agressive’ nuclear ambition.
Osborne Budget To Include Provisions For Lottery Tickets
George Osbourne has outlined his plan to invest in up to a billion lottery tickets over the next three years in the first budget since the coalition was formed.
Olympic Mascots to Deflect Ridicule From Olympic Logo
2012 Olympic organisers expressed confidence that the recently unveiled Olympic mascots will be ugly enough to mask the ‘visual monstrosity’ that is the Orbit Tower, itself created to mask the ‘repulsive’ Olympic logo.