David Cameron Put On Waiting List For NHS Reform
David Cameron has been placed on an NHS waiting and will likely have to wait ‘6 to 8 months’ to see someone about reforming Britain’s inefficient health system.
UK
HMV Discover Something Called “The Internet”
HMV executives believe they are ‘very close’ to determining the reason for the company’s recent poor performance with insiders revealing that it may have something to do with ‘this thing called the internet’.
Local Man Awarded MBE For Services To Alcoholism
A local alcoholic has been recognised by Queen Elizabeth II with an MBE in the New Year Honours list for his selfless dedication in the field of being really really drunk all the time.
Julian Assange Has Library Card Revoked
In another instance of the backlash against WikiLeaks, founder Julian Assange has been informed that his library access has been terminated ‘with immediate effect’.
Liberal Democrats Begin Search For Nick Clegg’s Spine
Hundreds of Liberal Democrat parliamentary candidates are set to launched a country-wide search for deputy PM Nick Clegg’s spine.
Wile E Coyote Held On Terror Charges
Wile E Coyote has been held on suspected terror charges after an explosive device was intercepted by security officials on a flight bound for the US.
YouTube Takes Down Hundreds of ‘Rickroll’ Videos
After numerous complaints from British and American officials, YouTube have removed hundreds of videos used to “rickroll” unsuspecting viewers from its site.
JLS Star Denies M&M ‘Greed’ Allegations After U-Turn
JLS superstar Aston Merrygold has defended himself against allegations he is ‘only in it for the M&Ms’ after a shocking u-turn just days after indicating he would quit the group.
George Osborne Wields Spending Axe, Cuts Nap Time
It has emerged that George Osborne will cut nap time in all UK nurseries ‘indefinitely’ as part of the UK spending review.
Clinton: ‘Britain Vulnerable To Godzilla Attack’
Hilary Clinton delivered a stark warning against major cuts in the British defence budget, which could leave them open to attack from Godzilla, Cthulhu or similar monsters.