“Consensual Man Woman Relations Is Where We Draw The Line,” Say Catholic Church
The Pope has accepted the resignation of a shamed bishop found guilty of having a sexual relationship with a “grown woman” who was “very close to his own age”.
Not USA
Dora the Explorer Cancelled After Star Deported By Authorities
Nickelodeon have confirmed it has been forced to cancel Dora the Explorer after the show’s star was deported from the United States.
Watching Slow Plodding England Caused Lonesome George’s Death Say Scientists
Following a postmortem on Lonesome George, experts have concluded England’s slow and plodding football was the cause of death of the world’s last giant tortoise.
Tougher Exams Require Students To Work Out How Big Brother Has Reached Season 13
In a bid to improve standards of primary school education students will now be graded against tougher exam questions, like how Big Brother has reached season number 13.
Russia, Poland Slammed for Outbreak of Football During Mass Brawl
The football administrations of Russia and Poland have been forced to apologise to extremist groups over an unfortunate breakout of football during mass street brawls this week.
David Cameron Accidentally Leaves Nick Clegg in Downing Street
David Cameron has issued a public apology after leaving Nick Clegg alone in Downing Street, and technically in charge of the country, for almost 15 minutes.
UN To Use Bigger Adjectives When Discussing Syria Bloodshed
The UN has indicated it will make a firm stand against Syria’s president by pledging to use stronger adjectives to describe the ongoing massacre in the country.
MoD To Make Indestructible New Body Armour From Jeremy Hunt
The Ministry of Defense has today confirmed it will begin producing the next generation of bullet proof armor from the same stuff that Jeremy Hunt is made of.
Local Man Curses Luck After Drawing Greece in Eurozone Sweepstakes
A public sector worker has been made to seriously question his fortunes after drawing Greece in his office Eurozone sweepstake.
Manchester United To Invest “Heavily” In Crucial Refereeing Position
Sir Alex Ferguson has promised to spend the summer recruiting more referees to the team in a bid to reclaim the title from neighbours Manchester City.