Human Remains “Men Who Forgot Valentine’s Day” Say Crossrail
New Crossrail-led research has identified a burial site containing the bones of over 5000 men who completely forgot it was Valentine’s Day today.
Not USA
Say Something ‘Bout Mama And “Get Got” Warns Pope Francis
Pope Francis has issued a strong public warning, suggesting in no uncertain terms that anyone who cursed his mother could “get got”.
High Speed Rail Plans Will See Government Fly Britons To Japan
The government has announced plans to provide commuters with access to high speed rail will involve flying them to Japan to use the trains in that country.
North Korea Switch To Virgin Media After Internet Blackout
North Korea have confirmed the full restoration of internet services after the country switched to a Virgin Media broadband package.
Search And Rescue Teams To Call Off Hunt For Missing Lib Dems
A police search and rescue team have abandoned the search for Liberal Democrats reported missing after devastating election results swept over the party.
Nigel Farage Blasts Immigrant Policy As Saharan Dust Settles In UK
Nigel Farage has demanded a tougher immigration policy after large amounts of dust were allowed to migrate from Africa and settle in the UK this week.
Two Little Pigs “Devastated” After Strong Winds Destroy Homes
Two of the three little pigs have been left to pick up the pieces after gale force winds left their homes in ruins.
Geneva Deal To Grant Nick Clegg Safe Passage Out Of Coalition
A preliminary deal has been reached that could see Nick Clegg granted safe passage out of the Coalition government back to Liberal Democrat obscurity.
Kim Jong-Un Executes Uncle “To Reduce Hassle Of Christmas Shopping”
Kim Jong-Un has explained his decision to execute his uncle came after struggling to find a suitable Christmas gift for the former regime advisor.
Npower To Honour Nelson Mandela By Increasing Prices Another 2.7%
Energy supplier Npower has announced it will raise its energy prices a further 2.7% to mark the memory of Nelson Mandela’s time in prison.