School of Hard Knocks Set To Increase Tuition Fees
In a blow to students of life, a leaked report has revealed the School of Hard Knocks has ‘all but agreed’ to charge the maximum level of tuition fees possible.
Not USA
Barack Obama Sends Hosni Mubarak Angry, All Caps Email
US President Barack Obama has reportedly sent an impassioned, all caps email to Hosni Mubarak requesting his ‘IMMEDIATE’ departure from power.
America Propose Kermit The Frog For New Egypt Government
The Obama administration is discussing a proposal to turn over power to a transitional government headed by Kermit the Frog, say top administration officials.
Pope Condemns Berlusconi Child-Free Sex Scandal
Pope Benedict XVI has voiced his criticism of Silvio Berlusconi for finding himself embroiled in a sex scandal involving women and not young boys.
Blair Tells Iraq Inquiry: “I Stuck My Fingers In My Ears”
Tony Blair said he disregarded warnings attacking Iraq would be illegal without further UN backing because he had stuck his fingers in his ears.
David Cameron Put On Waiting List For NHS Reform
David Cameron has been placed on an NHS waiting and will likely have to wait ‘6 to 8 months’ to see someone about reforming Britain’s inefficient health system.
HMV Discover Something Called “The Internet”
HMV executives believe they are ‘very close’ to determining the reason for the company’s recent poor performance with insiders revealing that it may have something to do with ‘this thing called the internet’.
Local Man Awarded MBE For Services To Alcoholism
A local alcoholic has been recognised by Queen Elizabeth II with an MBE in the New Year Honours list for his selfless dedication in the field of being really really drunk all the time.
Count Chocula Calls For Ivory Coast Resolution
Count Vladimir Elysius von Chocula aka “Count Chocula” has called for the disputed leader to step down for the sake of political stability.
Julian Assange Has Library Card Revoked
In another instance of the backlash against WikiLeaks, founder Julian Assange has been informed that his library access has been terminated ‘with immediate effect’.