Kim Jong-Un Succession Delayed Over IT Support Issues
Kim Jong-un has had his start date for succession pushed back after IT reported “major tech issues” while preparing his work laptop and log in credentials.
Not USA
Jury Sentences Carlos The Jackal To Life In NHS Nursing Home
A local court has convicted the international terrorist known as Carlos the Jackal and sentenced him to life in an NHS operated nursing home.
Mary Poppins “Still Missing” After Heavy Winds Grip Country
The Metropolitan police force have confirmed their search for Mary Poppins is ongoing, days after gale force winds gripped much of the country.
Nick Clegg: Britain Is Now The Nick Clegg of Europe
Nick Clegg has launched a scathing attack on David Cameron’s use of an EU veto, saying the Prime Minister risks turning Britain “into the me of Europe”.
Western Panic Eases After Chinese Missile Break Apart During Use
Fears over a growing Chinese military threat have lifted today after reports that several anti-aircraft ballistic missiles have fallen apart during repeat use.
Batman: “The Batphone Was Hacked By News of the World”
Crime fighting vigilante Batman has given evidence to the Leveson inquiry after discovering the Batphone had been hacked by News of the World journalists.
Evolutionary Scientists “Baffled” By Existance Of Early Human Bigot
Human evolution experts are said to be ‘utterly baffled’ over new video evidence showing an early species of human making racist comments to tram passengers in 21st Century Britain.
James Murdoch Maintains He “Did Not Know Santa Claus Was Not Real”
In a two-and-a-half hour parliamentary hearing, James Murdoch has continued to deny being told three years ago that Santa Claus was not a real person.
Ohio Officials Thank Libyan Rebels For Putting Down Libyan Mad Dog
An Ohio sheriff said has issued his “sincerest thanks” to Libya’s National Transitional Council for putting down the last of the wild animals to escape from a private zoo.
Basildon Council Gently Reminds Travellers “Your Homes Have Wheels On Them”
Scenes of violence have been avoided after Basildon council reminded Dale Farm occupants facing eviction that their homes have wheels on them.