Pope Benedict Admits God No Longer Answering His Phone Calls
Pope Benedict XVI has admitted for the first time that God has not been returning his calls as often as He used to since leaving his post at the Vatican.
Europe
EU Demand Greece Eat Pig Anus to Secure Next Installment of Bailout
In a move to toughen financial regulations, Eurozone finance ministers have demanded Greece eat pig anus in order to secure future bailout payments.
“Consensual Man Woman Relations Is Where We Draw The Line,” Say Catholic Church
The Pope has accepted the resignation of a shamed bishop found guilty of having a sexual relationship with a “grown woman” who was “very close to his own age”.
Russia, Poland Slammed for Outbreak of Football During Mass Brawl
The football administrations of Russia and Poland have been forced to apologise to extremist groups over an unfortunate breakout of football during mass street brawls this week.
Local Man Curses Luck After Drawing Greece in Eurozone Sweepstakes
A public sector worker has been made to seriously question his fortunes after drawing Greece in his office Eurozone sweepstake.
Latest Greek Tragedy “The Finest Ever” Say Literary Scholars
After fresh failure to form a coalition government, literary scholars have hailed the current turmoil as the best Greek tragedy there has ever been.
Greece Reject EU Bailout In Favour of Wonga.com Loan
In a dramatic 11th hour decision, Greece have chosen to decline the latest EU bailout and will instead opt to borrow money from Wonga.com.
Jury Sentences Carlos The Jackal To Life In NHS Nursing Home
A local court has convicted the international terrorist known as Carlos the Jackal and sentenced him to life in an NHS operated nursing home.
Greece Banned From Using Amazon 1-Click Ordering
In a move to tackle uncontrolled levels of national spending, The EU has decided to ban Greece from making purchases through Amazon’s 1-Click ordering.
EU Fear Greece Spending Bailout Money On Secret Drug Addiction
After calls for more financial aid following two seemingly ineffective rescue packages, the EU now suspect Greece of spending bailout money to fund a hidden drug addiction.