CHICAGO, US – Millions of people say they have been scared into reading books to avoid being caught looking as ignorant and uninformed as Kanye West.
The artist released a series of brain farts in a TMZ interview, which included calling slavery a choice. The situation has led to widespread reports of people grabbing as many books as possible in a desperate effort to educate themselves.
“Man, the stuff that came out of Kanye’s mouth…that was stupid,” one man claimed as he rushed into a Barnes & Noble store. “I never want to look that stupid on camera. Ever.”
“Yeezus said what?!”
Libraries in several states are reporting unprecedented surges in membership since the hip-hop star said 400 years of slavery sounded like a choice. According to head librarian at Chicago Public Library, membership figures have “broken through the proverbial roof”.
Emma Peterson said: “The day after Mr West made those remarks there were so many people in the library touching books our junior librarian became rather noticeably aroused.”
Mrs Peterson did admit that Kanye West presented a conundrum for her: “On one hand Mr West has in a single sentence displayed a breathtaking level of ignorance that risks serious harm to the national dialogue with a tragic oversimplification of a complex and dark time in our history which threatens to diminish the role enslavement played in the construction of America to the point we trivialise slavery altogether.”
“On the other hand…library membership is up 453% in the last week because of this ignoramus. So it’s swings and roundabouts I suppose.”
“Could’ve at least watched Roots?”
The comments from The Artist Formerly Know As Kanye West have lead to bookshop sales tripling as customers flock to shelves to grab as many books as possible. School gym teacher Marcus Green said the 40-year-old has rekindled his love of reading.
“When I heard what Yeezy said in that interview, I looked to my wife and said ‘Baby. Where is the closest Barnes & Noble? We hitting these books today'”.
Admitting she couldn’t believe anyone who wasn’t already president could say something that dumb, Ms Shelly Clifford said: “If I ever looked as crazy as that on TV my mama would have slapped the melanin right outta my ass!”
“I always thought I never had time to read. But I know I ain’t got time to be looking foolish like that in public. From now on I make sure I know what the hell I’m talking about before I open my mouth.”
“Maybe Kanye should do the same…and someone should slap the black outta him too.”
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