SILICON VALLEY – In the wake of the latest privacy scandal Facebook has announced a brand new version of its genuine remorse, called Apology Plus.
Apology Plus is currently only available in the US, but there are plans to expand its availability worldwide as “we continue to act recklessly with your data,” according to CEO Mark Zuckerberg.
The app can be downloaded on iOS, Android, and to anyone who will listen.
‘Our best apology ever’
This latest version of a Facebook apology comes days after news broke about the social network allowing the profiles of 50 million users to be harvested by consulting firm Cambridge Analytica in order to manipulate them during the 2016 US presidential election.
Set to be released “right away”, Facebook says Apology Plus is not just an app “but an entire platform for saying sorry when our shady business practices get us in trouble”.
Executives at Facebook have assured users that the company have gone to great lengths to make sure the Apology Plus app is twice as genuine and heartfelt as earlier versions.
“Unlike our data policy, we have tested Apology Plus to the hilt before releasing it to angry Facebook users,” said Chief Product Officer Chris Cox. “It is also compliant with previous victims of Facebook data breaches, assuming those victims haven’t deleted their Facebook profiles yet.”
Many within the company have gone as far as saying this is the best apology to come out of a technology company since Samsung phones began exploding in customer’s hands.
Indeed, early reviews have been positive, with some pundits suggesting Apology Plus would change the way multinational technology companies beg for forgiveness in future.
Cutting-edge technology
To use the app, users must have had their data comprised by a third-party without their consent or knowledge at least one time. From there they can download Apology Plus, authenticate the app with their comprised Facebook account, then answer a quick survey to determine which Big Bang Theory character they are most like.
“We have designed Apology Plus to cover our asses in any scenario,” explained Zuckerberg who also showed off the new GIFs and stickers that would be exclusive to Apology Plus. They include a new sad face, puppy dog eyes, and the words “We’re really really sorry this time guys” surrounded by animated lights and glitter.
The company, who also own Instagram and WhatsApp, also confirmed Apology Plus will be compatible with their other services. This means the same underlying Apology Plus technology can be deployed in the case of future breaches of privacy with the picture sharing and messaging apps.
Mr Zuckerberg: “The way things are going, we believe all of our users will have Apology Plus within the year.
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