UNITED STATES – In a major escalation of his aggressive trade rhetoric, Donald Trump has announced he plans to impose punishing tariffs on all imported vibranium.
The move will further spark talk of a trade war and comes despite economic advisors pleading with him to reconsider the strategy. Instead, Donald Trump today decided to double down by targeting the African nation of Wakanda.
Sold at $10,000 per gram, increasing tariffs on the meteoric ore could cause lasting damage to the US superhero economy.
‘Trade wars are easy’
This latest chapter in the trade row comes a day after Donald Trump saw a special edit of Black Panther showing only the scenes with white people. It’s thought the president saw enough to understand the threat posed by an unchecked trade imbalance with Wakanda.
Vibranimum is a key component of several products in the United States including shields, left arms and a seemingly endless supply of bodies for a homicidal AI consciousness.
Speaking at the White House, the president said he has decided on tariffs of 30 percent for foreign-made vibranium and 20 percent for “any other African stuff”.
“We’ll be imposing tariffs on all vibranium imports,” the president said. “You will have protection for the first time in a long time. We will regrow American vibranium. American vibranium!”
Seeking to reassure those who understand economics, Donald Trump claimed: “trade wars are easy to win, like Captain America versus the Winter Soldier.”
He added: “A lot of people don’t know the Winter Soldier is actually Bucky Barnes.”
‘America First’
The president’s move is expected to trigger immediate retaliation from Wakanda. Reports suggest King T’Challa will move to place tariffs on “broken white boys” being imported into his kingdom in response.
Jabari tribe leader M’Baku reportedly laughed when he heard the news of Trump’s decision, but began grunting incessantly when asked for further comment.
Prior to his announcement, Trump is understood to have turned back pleas from industries that are heavy users of vibranium such as S.H.I.E.L.D, who have been harsh critics of the administration’s plans.
S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury warned that higher vibranium prices would damage their ability to prevent threats from the Mad Titan Thanos and could result in massive layoffs, starting with Hawk Eye.
Republican leaders and Treasury department officials were out to attempt to contain the fallout, joining Mr Fury in urging the White House to not advance with this plan before Thanos can claim the Infinity Gauntlet.
And with the tariffs yet to be put in place, Mr Fury said he still had hope of talking the president out of the trade war before last damage is done.
“I’m just really hoping that this is all some alternate universe plotline we can still be written out of.”
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