WAKANDA, AFRICA – Trade Secretary Liam Fox has said Britain is eager to leave the Customs Union in order to trade freely with the nation of Wakanda post Brexit.
Theresa May has come under increasing pressure over Brexit. Sources close to Downing Street suggest the Prime Minister will be boosted by the prospect of negotiating at least one viable trade deal when the UK leaves the European Union.
“Deals like these would simply not have been possible within the confines of restrictive European bureaucracy,” said a bullish Mrs May.
Wakandan Trade Forever
Unsurprisingly, Remainers have blasted the government’s plans to strike its own trade deals as fanciful. This was met with stern resistance by the Prime Minister, who insisted the governments plans to trade with Wakanda were no more fanciful than the idea that Britain could leave the EU without a hard Irish border.
Brexit Secretary David Davies is expected to lead a delegation to Wakanda as early as June to meet its Royal Family, with a second meeting planned prior to the release of Black Panther 2.
“We have long maintained the ability of the UK to forge its own trade path outside of the EU,” said Mr Davies following a conference call between key cabinet members and Wakanda’s Council of Tribal Elders.
Mr Davies declared it time to leave the dying economy that was the EU and embrace new opportunities “whether they were in China, America, or indeed Wakanda.”
The government’s view is at odds with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, who stated his belief that the UK should stay in a permanent customs union with the EU after Brexit.
Mr Fox slammed Labour’s plan, calling tighter trade with EU a “complete sellout of Britain’s vibranium interests”. A comprise that would “deprive us of the opportunity to make our own Black Panther suit one day.”
Positive Brexit outlook
Newly crowned Wakandan King T’Challa expressed cautious optimism over the prospect of closer trade with Britain.
Speaking from a Wakandan outreach centre, T’Challa said his people would be open to dealing with Britain, but would also not rush head first into trade deals with “colonisers”.
However, Mr Davies said he saw no reason a deal could not be done quickly, outside of a Thanos attack, but claimed: “we have factored that into our Brexit strategy and believe any disruption would be mitigated by the Avengers.”
It’s thought the government will move to form similar trade deals with Pandora once trade deals with Wakanda were secured. The home of the Na’vi has rich sources of unobtanium which “makes them very attractive trade partners indeed” according to Mr Davies, who called these trade options “the most realistic prospects to materialise since we voted for Brexit”.
He also cried “Wakanda Forever!” before adding: “Wait…am I allowed to say that?”
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