UNITED KINGDOM – New Crossrail-led research has identified a burial site containing the bones of over 5000 men who completely forgot it was Valentine’s Day today.
Known as Bedlam burial ground, the site is being investigated in preparation for the Crossrail station complex at Liverpool Street.
Crossrail officials say they believe “with certainty” that the site came to be used as the final resting place for men who left Valentine’s Day planning to the last-minute, or forgot it all together.
Bloody Valentine’s Day
The archaeological excavations are being undertaken by the Museum of London Archaeology in conjunction with fearful boyfriends and husbands nationwide.
They are expected to unearth thousands of skeletons during the dig, including human remains of the first man ever to forget it was Valentine’s Day today.
A team of volunteers succeeded in finding the names of 5323 men buried on or in close proximity to February the 14th, dating back centuries. Scientific analysis of the skeletons is also expected to show that many men were buried still clutching the very gifts given to their significant others shortly before their deaths.
One victim, as recent as 2010, is thought to have been buried with the Valentine’s Day card and flowers he bought at a BP petrol station on his way home from hanging out with his single friends.
“We believe the burial site also holds skeletons of several men who took their wives to a football match instead of a romantic meal,” predicted Jay Carver, lead archaeologist at Crossrail.
The data collected suggests that around 21% of those buried were men who gave late Valentine’s Day gifts, that a further 16% died after trying to pass off last-minute gifts as thoughtful and that 13% died mere seconds after giving the same gift they gave the year before.
Up to 50% of men buried forgot it was Valentine’s Day altogether.
‘It’s the thought that counts right?’
Names of the deceased include Sir Ambrose Nicholas who was Lord Mayor of London in 1575, forgot Valentine’s Day in 1578 and has claimed residence in Bedlam burial ground ever since.
Other names include astrologer Dr John Lamb, who was stoned to death by a mob of his wife, her sisters and his mother-in-law in 1628 after allegations of a “woefully inadequate” Valentine’s Day gift.
Mr Carver said the initial research is a glaring window into one of the most deadly holidays in the calendar.
“It’s remarkable to think that these people lived through civil wars, plague and the Great Fire.”
“But they all messed up on Valentine’s Day and here they lay.”
Worryingly, a survey of women across the country has indicated that as many as 500 more bodies could be added to the burial ground before the weekend is over.
At last, soonmee comes up with the “right” answer!