PYONGYANG – North Korea have confirmed the full restoration of internet services after the country switched to a Virgin Media broadband package.
The move followed an unprecedented series of internet outages and generally “shoddy service” with EE Unlimited Home Broadband.
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un was the first to discover the latest outage when his marathon House of Cards session on Netflix was interrupted “for the last damn time”.
‘Your call is important to us’
North Korea’s internet went down for the third time in three weeks, this despite reassurances from EE that the problem was simply an isolated incident affecting a handful of Korean Peninsulas in the area.
Reports describe an ongoing row between the North Korean government and EE technical support department.
Officials within the secretive state recall spending “countless and futile minutes” on the phone with EE, most of which were spent on hold listening to Ed Sheeran.
A prepared statement said the time had come for the “strongest possible retaliation” in the form of immediate cancellation of all services rendered.
Though North Korea acknowledged they would still have to pay an early termination fee of £386.
The instalment of new internet services was carried out by Virgin Media Engineers some time between 8am and 6pm KST, and later confirmed by Virgin Media Ambassador to North Korea Usain Bolt.
Within the first 24 hours, the 1% of people in the country with access to a computer reported being 100% satisfied with the new service if Kim Jong Un was happy with the service.
The new deal was not a forgone conclusion, with North Korea at one stage thought to be ready to sign up to a Sky Broadband package after a visit to comparethemarket.com.
‘Have you restarted your router?’
Soon after the loss of North Korea, EE issued a statement insisting “our technical support staff did the best they could to keep the country with their existing EE package, especially when faced with constant threat of total annihilation.”
China praised the move away from EE, suggesting its allies “should have switched to a superior internet service” a long time ago.
Speculation that the US would attack the country’s internet connection had been rife, but it is now understood that EE beat them to it.
However, security analyst Ben Norman rejected such claims and fanciful:
“Yes America would’ve wanted to attempt something like this. But the only technology capable of inflicting a prolonged internet outage on this scale is EE Broadband.”
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