BRITAIN – The British government has revealed plans to provide commuters with access to high speed rail will involve flying them to Japan to use the trains in that country.
Ministers announced the next stage of the HS2 project would rely heavily on taking passengers to their nearest major airport and providing subsidised airline tickets for “full and unfettered” use of a state of the art railway system the moment their plane lands.
Commuters already estimate that flying to Japan will prove the cheaper long-term travel option when taking into account yearly rail fare price rises.
Land of the rising rail fare
The route initially planned for HS2 have extended to Birmingham and Leeds. However, a public opinion poll found in no uncertain terms that no one wants to travel to those places, prompting an immediate rethink by Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin.
Mr McLoughlin said Japan’s transit system was “exactly the rail system that Britain needed after years of lagging behind other nations” and even suggested implementation of HS2 could be accelerated “as most of the infrastructure was already in place”.
“Japan has been running an advanced rail network without fuss for several years, so I see no reason why the HS2 system can’t get started right away.”
Demonstrating his faith in the project’s ability to bring 21st century rail travel to UK commuters, Mr McLoughlin immediately booked a British Airways flight from London Heathrow to Tokyo Japan.
Thousands of commuters have followed Mr McLoughlin’s example, taking to the Thomas Cook website to book their overseas flights to participate in a rail system with trains that run both frequently and on time.
Ministers have also begun dropping constituents off at the nearest airport so they can take experience the new high-speed rail system just a 747 away.
Long haul commuting
The government believes HS2 adoption would massively free up capacity on many overcrowded rail routes as regular passengers would be in another continent entirely.
Speaking in front of Parliament, Prime Minister David Cameron announced that the future has arrived to a chorus of applause and several below par attempts to speak Japanese.
Touting the “enormous benefits” of using Japanese rail, Mr Cameron explained trains on the Shinkansen would allow seamless travel between major cities and prefectures across Japan.
He encouraged Britons to make use of the thousands of miles of “top notch” high speed rail simply by driving to their nearest airport with a valid passport.
“World class rail travel is here. All you have to do is pack a suitcase, get on a plane, travel across nine time zones, pass immigration upon arrival…and the world of high-speed rail is at your feet.”
“Plus, in-flight meals are rather good these days.”
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