ENGLAND – Following severe overnight storms, two of the three little pigs have been left homeless as gale force winds left their homes in “complete and utter” ruins.
Both pigs remain in a state of shock having awoken to the “total devastation” of their houses blown down around them.
Elsewhere, Little Red Riding Hood remains in a critical condition after being hit by a fallen tree in the woods.
Serious damage
It’s understood the structure, made from straw and sticks, had given a unique decorative appeal but offered little defence in the face of 80 mph winds.
The incident will no doubt push insurance premiums through what was left of the roof after the most severe storm winds in years.
Authorities say it was a miracle no one was seriously injured.
“It all happened so fast,” said one little pigs whose straw house is said to have collapsed shortly after 2am.
“I was having a great dream. Me and Miss Piggy rolling around a huge mud field…and the next thing I know I’m surrounded by firewood.”
“I ran to over to my brother’s house made from sticks and it was just as bad. We should have never cut corners on building materials.”
Rescuers were working throughout the night to save both pigs from the debris.
Officers on the scene report one of the pigs needed to be pulled out of the rubble by the hairs on his chinny chin chin.
Recovery efforts
As the salvage operation gets under way, the two victims said their main concern was now about basic necessities such as shelter, water and swill.
However, The Big Bad Wolf said the two pigs had only themselves to blame and had failed to learn the lessons the first time around.
“I’ve huffed and puffed both their houses down once already so you think they would have taken some extra precautions, jeez.”
Both pigs would stay at their brother’s brick house which survived the high winds.
One of the pigs said the worst part of the entire ordeal would be the smug looks they were sure to receive.
“Having your home destroyed is one thing, but now we gotta hear this smug bastard talk about ‘the comparative merits of bricks’ and say ‘I told you so’ all night.”
“I wish that storm had killed me.”
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