ENGLAND – David Cameron has overruled the Home Office and ordered a review to ensure that grief clinic opening hours can be extended for England’s World Cup matches.
Tens of millions of fans watched England’s opening game in the 2010 World Cup, making it a highly lucrative event for grief clinics across the country.
The reversal could also see grief clinics opened for domestic use with an influx of Manchester United fans said to be “very interested” in the final ruling.
Common sense
The first application made by the Association for Sporting Failure and Counselling (ASFC) was for England v Italy on June 12th. The game is due to start at 11pm and is expected to generate a flood of depressed England fans in need of counselling by 1am.
The Home Office had initially rejected that bid, arguing that it was possible for Roy Hodgson’s team “to go all the way”. This statement was later retracted by Downing Street and a review initiated.
Although England’s remaining group games against Uruguay and Costa Rica will be played earlier in the day, authorities acknowledged that the grief brought on from watching another display of minimal ball possession and barely above average technical ability can last long into the night.
The ASFC welcomed the “common sense decision” which would “remove a great deal of bureaucracy involved when England fans overwhelmed with feelings of loss needed to see a trained grief counsellor.”
Some have now hinted the Prime Minister could go as far as introducing a nationwide extension of grief clinic opening hours for England games beyond the World Cup irrespective of who they play. Even San Marino.
Fans groups say receiving after professional counselling is the next best thing to lying in a darkened room while crying yourself to sleep.
Round the clock service
The Prime Minister made the decision after reviewing England’s 2010 World Cup performances according to Number 10 insiders. He was said to have stopped half way through England v Algeria and immediately demanded the decision be overturned.
David Cameron tweeted: “Just watched footage of England in the 2010 World Cup…will keep clinics open all night if needed #ohdear”.
A Number 10 source clarified: “We know it is unusual to keep centres for grief counselling open late into the night but after being reminded of the pasting we took from Germany we decided it in the interest of the nation that England fans can receive the necessary treatment after each World Cup game.”
Clinics could be kept open through the group stages and during the knockout stages of the tournament all the way through to the disastrous quarter-final exit on penalties.
No application was made for the final on July 12th however, as it was deemed an unnecessary exercise.
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