NEW JERSEY – Worrying reports from Heaven suggest that with only a day to go until Super Bowl XLVIII, God has yet to decide which team deserves to win the game.
As the Seattle Seahawks prepare to take on the Denver Broncos, heavenly sources revealed the two teams are so evenly matched He was having trouble picking the winner.
Indeed, analysts agree God was facing the biggest call in a competitive match up since David vs Goliath.
Tough choices
Following a committee meeting to discuss the merits of each team, Gabriel admitted he and the other angels were growing concerned.
“He usually makes his Super Bowl pick at least a week in advance,” said the messenger who overheard God screaming “Me damn this is impossible!”
“This time last year He had already decided on the Baltimore Ravens, ordered the new 211 inch LED widescreen with 50.1 Dolby Surround Sound and had Budweisers on ice.”
“But He’s really struggling with this one. I haven’t seen Him this agitated since the whole Judas thing.”
The pressure of anointing a Super Bowl winner has led to God becoming more vengeful than normal, according to Gabriel.
“He unleashed a plague of locusts on me just for asking how much longer He needed.”
The delay in picking the Super Bowl winner is being partly attributed to the considerable amount of time needed to ensure Macklemore won best hip-hop album at the Grammys.
“It took a major act of God to get that done. Macklemore sure owes Him that’s for sure.”
‘Just give us a sign’
Speaking via burning bush during the earlier in the week, God assured fans a decision would be made by kickoff. Though with the game fast approaching, it’s increasingly likely He would wait until half-time and see how things are going before committing to one side.
The bush went on to argue that the Seahawks were worthy due to their defence being as solid as the rocks used to stone Stephen, “but on the other hand how Can I go against Peyton Manning?”
It then stopped mid-sentence before declaring: “Oh my me, this is a toughie…I need a moment to think.”
When asked which way the deity would call it, Gabriel claimed he could never tell what God had in His mind but was confident the merits of both teams would be carefully analysed before an informed decision was reached.
“Or just flip a coin and be done with it…sheez.”
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