HUNDRED ACRE WOOD – An altercation has broken out at the home of Winnie the Pooh after a close friend needed to be restrained following inappropriate use of the word “Tigger”.
The incident occurred after Eeyore referred to the black striped tiger as “that Tigger over there”, causing the usually fun-loving joyful animal to “completely lose his sh*t”.
Tigger is currently being held at a local Hundred Acre Wood police station and is expected to be released on bail within 24 hours.
‘My Tigger’
Witness statements of the immediate aftermath are still to be complied, but many describe seeing Tigger “bounce” towards a surprised Eeyore before “slapping him across his donkey head.”
It took both Kanga and Roo to restrain Tigger who could be heard screaming “That’s our word!” – it’s thought he had watched the tiger adaptation of Roots just hours before his outburst.
Speaking on the conflict, Winnie the Pooh said: “We did our best to calm him, but he didn’t want to hear it. This Tigger really slapped the taste out his mouth!”
The only witness with opposable thumbs at the gathering, Christopher Robin, called the police to the scene.
“Tigger was on him in a flash,” said the six-year-old. “Pooh doesn’t even move that fast for free honey.”
A shaken Piglet told friends he was “still coming to terms with the whole thing”.
He also revealed the use of “Tigger” was routine within the group but never caused a problem before.
“Oh my, we’re all friends here. We’ve always called him Tigger. Oh my, why he would take such offence to it now,” adding, “oh my.”
The T word
Prominent tiger activists have long fought against using the word “Tigger” to refer to tigers of any kind. Most notable campaigner, Tony the Tiger, said it was time to end the use of such an ugly word.
However, the cereal mascot admitted he “probably would have done the same in his paws.”
Golfing professional Tiger Woods also jumped into the debate and admitted to using the T word “among friends”, but believe it can easily be misunderstood in the wrong context.
The indecent sparked serious debate with close friend Owl claiming Tigger brought it on himself with his own liberal use in the past.
“It’s always ‘Tigger this’ and ‘Tigger that’ with him. He even made a song about it,” referring to the 1968 release Wonderful Things About Tiggers.
“Really, what did he expect him to say?”
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