WASHINGTON D.C. – The National Security Agency is denying reports that Barack Obama has been aware of the surveillance of prayers to God since 2010.
The fallout from fresh allegations have been brought by Edward Snowden’s leak of classified security material, prompting even more damaging questions about the extent of US spy activities.
The row has led to one of the worst diplomatic crisis between the United States and the heavens since Thor.
‘Oh my Me!’
As the explosive reports surfaced last week, Barack Obama could only declare that the United States “does not spy on God” and “will not spy on God”.
God first heard of the spying allegations when He created the universe, but forgot until fresh allegations resurfaced this week. A spokesman for Heaven said the Almighty was “just as livid” and seriously considering unleashing a plague of locusts on the NSA.
This after He made an angry personal call to Mr Obama, who is said to have apologised, seeing the spying as a serious breach of trust considering he invites him into His house every Sunday at the same time the spying was alleged to have taken place.
The NSA was later forced to deny its director ever discussed a surveillance operation against God with President Obama as the White House tries to contain a full-blown biblical crisis over espionage directed at allied deities.
The outrage came days after Ganesha called the White House to confront Obama with reports that the NSA was targeting the private prayers to every one of his reincarnated forms.
At this stage it’s not known whether other deities had been targeted, though Buddha issued a strongly worded statement saying the latest spying revelations had “broken a trust” that “no amount of meditation would help get over”.
‘Interest of national security’
Director of National Intelligence James Clapper did acknowledge that intercepting the private communication between man and his creator may have gone too far, but stopped short of a full apology.
Clapper said in that there should be no surprise that God was spied on, reminding Congress “we must explore all leads when it came to protecting the country.”
It’s thought God became a deity of interest after intelligence officials determined he had a beard, had spent a “considerable” amount of time in the Middle East, and several references had been made to “God’s plan”.
That Yahweh has also been linked to a number of high-profile natural disasters only increased the likelihood His movements would have been monitored.
Despite this, God is now considering legal recourse and has consulted with His legal team – made up of Thomas Mesereau, the ghost of Johnnie Cochran and Jack McCoy from Law and Order – to explore options.
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