UNITED KINGDOM – The world’s population of Giant Pandas have gathered to raise funds in a last-ditch bid to save the endangered high street retailer.
The move has come following news both Barratts and Blockbuster have fallen into administration – the fall in numbers has now pushed the high street shop onto the endangered species list.
There had been hopes that the disc rental chain could survive, but now the remaining Blockbuster stores will be kept in captivity and studied for science.
Dire situation
The high street shop is a breed of retail outlet native to western economic climates. However, it has seen its habitat destroyed by a new variation of quicker, cheaper and more virile online shops.
Giant Panda Ling Ling urged the public to get off the sofa and visit the high street and for window shoppers to “stop being a tease” and get their wallets out for a shop in need.
“Frankly this is a situation we can’t afford to ignore,” said the 30-year-old panda and head fundraiser for the Save A Shop Foundation.
Ling Ling admitted that although she couldn’t work out how Blockbuster had even made it this long without going under, it was a sad day nonetheless.
For just £2 a month concerned shoppers could help save a shop on the verge of bankruptcy. “I spend more than that on bamboo,” argued Ling Ling before adorably rolling around on a nearby patch of grass.
‘Before it’s too late’
For their donation, shoppers would get photos of their chosen retailer with customers inside it as well as quarterly sales figures so they could track how their contribution was making a difference.
Further conservation efforts planned including a national Don’t Buy It For Less Online Even If It Is More Convenient day.
Another volunteer panda Su Lin Xang said she heard about the current plight of retail shops and was motivated to do “anything I could” to make a difference.
“I just bought Katy Perry’s new album from HMV. Sure it would have been cheaper if I had bought it from Amazon but we have to look at the bigger picture here.”
Other projects would look at ways to get still solvent shops to mate in hopes they would produce enough offspring to keep the entire chain from going extinct.
“We’re going to pair two Argos stores next to each other in the hopes they’ll eventually reproduce,” revealed Ling Ling.
“It’s a long shot, but we have to try.”
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