NEW YORK – Employees at Fox News are said to be thrilled at new figures showing record numbers of people are still failing to sign up for Obamacare.
The news network has gleefully reporting the failures of the healthcare.gov website which is leaving millions confused and still without adequate health care coverage.
The roll out has been such a positive experience for conservative pundits that Fox News hosts now admit that Barack Obama was born in America.
‘We’re still pinching ourselves’
A month into President Obama’s signature act of legislation, millions of Americans are still unable to sign up online due to system crashes and confusing message.
The mood inside Fox News has been described as “ecstatic” as the problematic launch of the affordable care act ensured the dream of poor people going without health care was kept alive.
The only negative came when a fight broke out between Fox News’ Neil Cavuto and Bret Baier over who would be the first to break the latest news of millions more people left uninsured by the systematic failure of the health care website to perform the one thing it was designed to do.
“I’m not the only one who thought this website was going to be bad news for us,” admitted The Kelly File host and part-time Elisabeth Hasselbeck stunt double Megyn Kelly.
“But it’s been fantastic, everyone is sooo happy lately. I’ve never seen Sean Hannity smile so much.”
Kelly even confessed that her colleagues visited the website just to see the website crash when trying to sign up for health care, adding: “logging in to see that 404 error is becoming a ritual around here.”
Wonderful news
Speaking from the backstage area, anchor Gretchen Carlson said: “I’m just getting ready to report that even more people tried and failed to get health care since this morning.”
“It’s a really great day to be alive,” she beamed before breaking out into a high-pitched cackle for the next 13 and a half minutes.
The issues surrounding health care have lead to changing attitudes towards the administration with Fox and Friends’ Steve Doocy telling co-host Brian Kilmeade that he was now excited to see the president implement comprehensive immigration reform “as soon as humanly possible”.
“If it’s anything like health care there won’t be a single Mexican in the country with 18 months,” predicted Doocy who later admitted he’s had a full erection ever since he heard about the latest failure of the healthcare.gov website.
Host Sean Hannity expertly summarised the mood in at Fox News by saying: “As a conservative pundit, I could only dream of days like this.”
“This botched roll out of health care is leaving people more confused and misinformed than my show ever could.”
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