U.S. Economic Recovery Boosted By “Record” Black Friday Violence
Stores across the country are hailing the “best Black Friday ever” after record levels of violence has put the retail sector on course for a bumper year-end.
Month: November 2013
Voyager 1 Finds Traces Of Kanye West On Planet “Far Far Away”
The Voyager 1 spacecraft has uncovered trace amounts of Kanye West deep in interstellar space on a planet light years away.
Michael Bay Ready To Ruin Another Of Your Childhood Memories
Producer Michael Bay has expressed delight over his deal with Paramount to ruin yet another of your childhood memories on the big screen.
Giant Pandas To Raise Funds For Endangered High Street Shops
The world’s population of Giant Pandas have gathered to raise funds in a last-ditch bid to save the endangered high street retailer.
Miley Cyrus To Kill Goat, Drink Its Blood At Next MTV Performance
Rumours surrounding pop star Miley Cyrus suggests she plans to kill a goat and drink its blood in her performance at next year’s MTV Video Music Awards.
Republicans Unveil Google.com As Obamacare Alternative
Congressional House Republicans have unveiled their first genuine alternative to the Affordable Care Act: google.com.
Assad Promises To Stick With Conventional Methods Of Mass Murder
After destroying its chemical weapons production capability, the Syrian regime has promised it will only use regular methods of killing its own people in future.
US Denies Barack Obama Knew NSA Had Tapped Prayers To God
The National Security Agency is denying reports that Barack Obama has been aware of the surveillance of prayers to God since 2010.
Definition Of “Shadenfreude” Updated After Brooks Coulson Affair
The definition of “schadenfreude” will be updated after juicy details of two former News of the World editors’ private lives were splashed across tabloid newspapers.
Cartels Reject “Dergatory” Comparison To Energy Companies
Mexican drug lords have unanimously voiced their outrage at comparisons made between cartels and British Energy supplies.