UNITED KINGDOM – A skeleton found beneath a Leicester car park has been confirmed as a Blackberry customer who waited for RIM to release a better phone.
University of Leicester scientists say the age of the bones match the the last time Blackberry put out a viable product.
It has also been revealed the owner appeared to be in the fetal position when he died.
Longest wait
Scientists confirmed this week that the person exhumed had been unable to let go of the hope RIM would produce a competitive smartphone soon.
Known as “Subject B”, the bones – carbon dated to a pre iPhone era – belong to a man in his late 20s who “very likely” died clutching a Blackberry Curve in one or both hands.
Unfortunately, the device was not recovered having eroded as fast as the RIM’s share value.
The skeleton also showed signs of injuries consistent with those of someone who literally held their breath in anticipation of a good product from RIM.
Lead archaeologist Richard Buckley told a press conference: “Beyond reasonable doubt this is a disappointed Blackberry user.”
He was confident the bones had also been subjected to “rigorous derision and mikey taking”.
“We think the Bold was the death of him,” speculated.
“Or the Storm. It’s really hard to pinpoint which piece of junk was the one that did it.”
Although the mystery of the bones have been put to rest, many believe the real tragedy is that with so many good options, this death is as pointless as the Blackberry Playbook.
‘It didn’t have to end like this’
Dr Jo Appleby from the university’s School of Archaeology and Ancient History said the analysis of the skeleton proved that “individuals needed to move with the times” or risk finding themselves “in a shallow grave with a lame phone.”
This theory was quickly backed by many at the university including Mr Buckley.
“We believe subject B had surveyed the smartphone market and took the ill-fated decision not to switch to a superior iPhone or Android device.”
“Our theory suggests Subject B extended the contract on his Blackberry Curve in the hopes that a better Blackberry phone would be forthcoming.”
“Something that would match the evolving technological requirements of the time.”
“Tragically, this day hasn’t come soon enough for some.”
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