ENGLAND – The Royal Navy’s £1.2 billion attack submarine has been recalled after mistakenly targeted George Osborne as a threat to the nation following his Autumn Statement.
HMS Astute, which has been plagued with problem in recent years, is thought to have classified the chancellor as an active threat and was moments away from launching an offensive strike.
The potential nuclear disaster has gone down as the biggest Naval mishap since Alex Briley joined the Village People.
Improper configuration
Britain’s hunter multibillion pound killer submarine had “initiated offensive protocols after crew had replayed George Osborne’s Autumn statement and would have launch a devastating nuclear attack on number 11 had Navy officials not intervened.
“We cut it close to say the least,” recalled Senior Officer David Rankin who was inside the vessel when it took control of its attack system and turned
“It just went nuts and started engaging missiles on its own,” Rankin said. “Just after the Chancellor downgraded GDP estimates and promised more austerity for years to come.”
The incident is seen as another embarrassment to Navy officials who promised to turn down the sensitivity of Astute’s onboard systems.
Describing the last moments of Chancellor’s statement before Astute’s attack protocols were fully activated, he admitted: “I’ve never been so fearful for the future.”
“The missile thing was pretty scary too.”
Homeland defense
The MoD confirmed Astute had suffered some “teething problems” during sea trials.
“It is normal to think that someone who would increase the working age benefits to go up by less than the rate of inflation posed a great threat to the country,” a spokesman said.
According to inside sources, HMS Astute would be returned for re-collaboration to ensure it would not target Mr Osborne by the time he announce his Spring Budget.
Despite being moments from complete obliteration, the Chancellor defended his autumn statement as good for the long term economic benefit to the country and argued the nuclear submarine “simply did not understand the tough economic reality we now live in.”
“We’re making cuts across the board and HMS astute needs to understand that these cuts are necessary if we are to survive this economic downturn.”
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