WASHINGTON D.C. – In an unexpected resolution, Americans have agreed an 11th hour deal to solve the country’s fiscal problems by pushing members of congress over an actual cliff.
A deal was reached by citizens across all 50 states and is set to solve US economic problems by removing what many agree is the biggest threat to the country’s fiscal future.
The American people said it was time to “end the game of chicken played by Congress” and send them “over the nearest cliff like a game of lemmings”.
Budget deal agreed
Slow progress by both Republicans and Democrats prompted ordinary Americans to put forward their own proposal to stop steep tax rises and spending cuts.
It’s thought the deal will involve gathering congressional leaders and frog march them over the nearest cliff.
The bipartisan agreement, supported by a majority of Americans, will take effect by the end of January once a big enough net could be found.
Washington native Joshua Scott said the agreement, which was agreed to by 300 million citizens, was negotiated inside three hours – less time than House Speaker John Boehner spends in a tanning bed session according to inside sources.
“We were all just frustrated with the lack of progress on Capitol Hill so we got together and worked out a deal that was best for us,” said Mr Scott.
“With this deal the U.S. will avoid a double dip recession and make future political discussions a heck of a lot smoother with less politicians around.”
According to reports, the only remaining sticking point is which area of elevated ground to send Republicans and Democrats over, which Nevada’s Grand Canon the preferred option.
Analysts say this new deal was an overall positive for the country and stocks saw an optimistic rally at the thought of lawmakers being sent over a real cliff.
Long term solutions
President Obama said while the deal was “not ideal”, it remained the most sensible offer on the table and signed off on the plan earlier today.
However, Mitch McConnell, leader of the Senate’s Republican minority, and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid both remain against any deal that would see them face a drop any larger than 10 feet.
Indeed, many Congressional leaders are reported to have rejected the deal, but Mr Scott said the sheer weight of numbers would ensure it gets pushed through “quite literally”.
“We understand no one like going over a cliff.”
“But it’s us or them.”
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