MASSACHUSETTS – The following is an open letter sent by Mitt Romney defending comments made towards the publicly funded children’s education show Sesame Street.
Fellow humans,
Much has been made of my recent comments to cut funding to PBS. Even as my maid types this letter for me I can hear the distant sounds of protests in the outer perimeter of my estate home.
After the first presidential debate viewers have used the opportunity to label me cold and out of touch with the average person.
How these people know me so well I don’t know but these observations are besides the point. They make me look bad. So I would like to take a moment to better explain why Sesame Street must be left to fend for itself.
Let’s start with the financials. The $444 million is funnelled to this organisation every year. In comparison, I aim to avoid paying this amount of tax over the course of my lifetime, which should tell you just how grotesque the figure really is.
Then there is the moral issue. There are 47 percent off Muppets on Sesame Street who don’t want to take responsibility for themselves but would rather wait on PBS for handouts in order to make it through another episode.
The president’s approach of using public money to fund educational programs for children is attractive to Muppets that do not pay income tax because they don’t work and because they are Muppets.
They don’t believe in the American dream like you and I. They believe they’re entitled to basic shapes, to primary and secondary colours, to the alphabet. You name it. Every week they expect another letter to simply fall out of the sky as if B’s and C’s grew on trees!
What a bunch of moochers.
Take this guy for example; Oscar the Grouch. Completely non-existent record of employment and it’s the government’s policies that have allowed him to live furry paw to furry mouth while hard working individuals like Count Von Count put in put in a tough shift counting things on day after two days after three.
I myself enjoy counting. Sometimes I will just sit in the garden and count the number of Mexicans under my employment.
Cookie Monster is another freeloader. Here is a classic case of some googly-eyed moocher that has convinced himself cookies will be provided to him ad infinitum. And what happens if he doesn’t get a cookie? He flips out.
This truly is Obama’s America.
Under my administration, every Muppet will have to make its own way without becoming dependant on the government. I understand in the short-term there will be problems, but so what if we don’t get all the letters in the alphabet? Only one percent of them are important anyway.
I like Big Bird, which is why I can no longer see him play the role of the victim.
However, I don’t care much for Snuffleupagus. His name sounds Greek and I have yet to see him prove he was born on Sesame Street.
In conclusion, if elected president I will shut down the entitlement culture that has been allowed to fester on Sesame Street, just as soon as someone can tell me how to get there.
Yours Truly,
Willard Mitt Romney. Future President of the United States,
Sent from my third house.
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