CALIFORNIA – Young people who smoke cannabis run the risk of a “significant and irreversible” shortage of Cheesy Puffs and other snack foods, research suggests.
An international study found those who stated using the drug while their cupboards were full of salted snacks suffered a marked drop in supplies within a 24 hour period.
Numerous participants have also describe feeling “real paranoid ‘n stuff yo”.
Extensive research
Experts, who studied 1000 unemployed subjects in walking distance of a convenience store, say the research could explain why people who use the drug often complain of a condition known formally as “the munchies”.
Having taken into account other factors such as cupboard space and the fact that spending all your money on weed leaves little for basic goods, researchers found that those who consistently used cannabis suffered a predictable fall in the amount of snack food items in the home.
“After testing store cupboards before cannabis use and again 24 hours later, persistent cannabis use was undoubtedly associated with a cornstarch based snack food decline,” declared researcher Melissa Andrews.
She continued: “These findings are consistent with speculation that cannabis use may have disastrous effects on the user’s store of tasty snacks.”
“When the level of pot smoking goes up, the level of Doritos, Oreos, donuts and Cheetos drops. The research leaves no room for debate.”
In addition, Mrs Andrews also observed “multiple participants panicked and became highly agitated when they discovered the loss of snacks.”
“In cases with multiple subjects the drug can trigger intense arguments over who ate the Cheesy Puffs in question.”
Perhaps more alarming, was the finding that reducing cannabis use failed to fully restoring supplies as subjects often failed to realise they could simply leave the house a buy more stuff.
Damning implications
A professor at the Snack Food Association Kyle Sargent, though not involved in the study, admitted this was an impressive piece of research.
“Although one should never be convinced by a single study, these are significant findings indeed.”
“There have been many anecdotal reports that cannabis users tend to possess lower amounts of puffed corn snacks. This study provides the explanation as to why this might be the case.”
Prof Sargent summarised that: “What it shows is if you are a really heavy stoner there are going to be consequences.”
“Cheesy Puffs don’t grow on trees.”
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