NEW YORK – The UN has indicated it will make a firm stand against Syria’s president by pledging to use stronger adjectives to describe the ongoing massacre in the country.
With attacks against civilians showing no sign of easing, the organisation declared they could no longer stand by and use regular vocabulary when talking about the endless murder of innocents.
Special envoy Kofi Annan suggested the UN “can and will” use the “full force” of the English language, “and maybe even words we make up on the spot if we have to”.
Mean what we say
It is felt world leaders that increased use of descriptive words would go some way towards peace in the violence stricken region.
UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon told reporters Bashir Al Assad had left them with no choice but to flip open a dictionary and “speak more complex words” about the “pretty bad” situation unfolding at the hands of his regime.
But he later reiterated: “No, that’s not appropriate. Catastrophic? Apocalyptic? Yeah that’s better. The apocalyptic situation in the country.”
Officials have already ordered extra copies of the latest Oxford English and Webster’s Dictionaries as they prepare to escalate the war of words with Assad in that the UN was using words while the Syrian army waged war.
Sources inside the UN have even suggested that should the Syrian government continue his brutal crackdown on protests, they would not hesitate to use conjunctive adverbs in their descriptions, or even combine multiple adjectives together to create new words.
“All grammar constructs are on the table,” declared Secretary of state Hillary Clinton while flipping through a dictionary.
“If there ever was a situation for lots of stern talk, this is it.”
Sticks and stones
The resolution was not backed by Russia however who have threatened to use their veto power against any sentence with “excessive use of adjectives and incorrect use of pronouns.”
Clinton has however vowed to press forward, claiming: “Anyone capable of the systematic massacre of his own people in a dictatorial grasp for undeserved power while remaining unmoved by the death of countless innocents while playing the victim deserves to be told they are a jerk.”
“No, that’s not good enough either. Terrible? Abominable? Yes that’s better. The action of his regime undoubtedly deserve to be called abominable.”
“That’ll show him,” she added.
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