MASSACHUSETTS – In an effort to boost his bid to clinch the Republican nominee, Mitt Romney has unveiled a new campaign slogan – “Mitt: It’s Mathematically Impossible to Stop Me Now”.
The presidential hopeful says the inspiring message of statistical inevitability would galvanise supporters and leave remaining voters in no doubt that resistance was futile.
Political analysts agreed the move would appeal to the often overlooked demographic of statistical math nerds across the country.
Campaign focus
Speaking at the American Mathematical Society, the Massachusetts Governor maintained his conviction the new message captured the theme of the campaign while expressing his love for numbers that work in his favour.
“Gosh I love numbers,” Romney admitted to the crowd. “They seem to work wherever you go. You know, I look at my tax returns; my outrageously high income is the right number. The low amount of tax I pay is the just right for this time of year, kind of like half of where it should be. It just feels right.”
A senior aide revealed the team thought “long and hard” before settling on the final wording.
Alternatives were thought to include “Romney: Numbers don’t lie, I’ve already won”, “Mitt: Who else is there really?” and “Hey: If There Was Any Other Legitimate Candidate Believe Me Even I’d Vote For Him But There Isn’t 2012.”
Mitt Romney pointed to the numerical advantage as evidence the new slogan was not “some pie in the sky rhetoric”, but rooted in the reality of a single core ideal: “If you do the math, there is no way to stop me from becoming the nominee by default.”
It’s the numbers stupid
To end the session, Romney gave a resounding speech aimed at firing up his core base of supporters: “My friends, we have the numerical advantage when it comes to the mandated number of delegates a candidate needs to reach the threshold and clinch the nomination, and don’t you forget it!”
The unyielding focus on the mathematical advantage has won his campaign a crucial endorsement from Count von Count and is the second public backing from a character living in a fictional world following Donald Trump’s earlier endorsement.
Elsewhere Ron Paul has changed his campaign line to “I’m Still Here: Stop Ignoring Me”.
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