UNITED KINGDOM – In his latest budget, George Osborne has announced plans to cut the rate of the Income Tax Square to five per cent for earnings over £10,000 during a game of Monopoly.
Speaking in front of Parliament, Mr Osborne said the current rate of 10 per cent had raised “next to nothing” and was causing many across the country to unexpectedly flip the board over in a huff.
However, economists warned the Chancellor had taken a huge gamble with his budget that could irreversibly shape family game night in the months ahead.
Fair taxation
Delivering his third budget of the coalition, the Chancellor planned to increase stamp duty on all properties bought in the dark blue squares and will allow rents to be collected retrospectively on players forced to re-mortgage.
Mr Osborne said “this budget supports working families, and by that I mean families working together to against the person with the least money.”
Child benefit is also due to be removed from all families, meaning parents could no longer be lenient on children and must allow them to “learn the hard way and go bankrupt.
But millions hoping for an increase in the amount collected when passing “Go” were left disappointed as Mr Osborne confirmed the rate would be frozen at £200 until 2015.
It’s understood a consideration was made to increasing the number of Get Out of Jail Free cards to the player controlling the bank, but the Conservatives backtracked having acknowledged they already did that when buying out Northern Rock and the Royal Bank of Scotland.
The Budget was backed by Rich Uncle Pennybags who has long called for the rate of the tax space to be cut and was now less apprehensive about rolling the dice when his turn came.
The real estate tycoon, who at the time of writing owns properties on Regent Street, Oxford Street, Bond Street in addition to some yellow square properties, said it was about time the government did more to help the board’s job creators.
Elsewhere, millions have blasted the coalition for the worst budgetary move since the Thatcher government enacted austerity measures to reduce the number of ladders in Snakes and Ladders.
Monopoly budget
In addition to the new Income Tax square rate, Mr Osborne also outlined plans to close a number of loopholes that give unfair advantages to certain players.
“No longer will you be able to become the banker and sneak notes under your leg for later use,” he stated to loud applause.
The Chancellor also said: “We’re closing the loophole that allows players to roll the dice when others weren’t concentrating, say any number they wanted and then quickly pick up the dice before anyone noticed.”
Both sides of the coalition hailed the measures as “fair” and were confident they would keep the good players playing Monopoly instead of moving to tax-free havens such as Scrabble.
“There are so many options nowadays: Star Wars Monopoly, Batman Monopoly,” said Prime Minister David Cameron.
“I heard they have Pokemon Monopoly now. This all means we must make UK Monopoly more attractive to the best players.”
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