UNITED KINGDOM – Despite being less than 24 hours into the New Year, David Cameron has declared Britain can no longer afford to stay in 2012 and will return to the year 2011 “for the foreseeable future”.
The Prime Minister made the announcement to members of parliament on New Years Day, explaining the government did not have the budget required to make it through the year and will instead continue to relive 2011 “until the economy picks up sufficiently to begin 2013.”
It’s understood Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was not consulted at any stage of the decision-making progress.
The devil you know
The surprise move backwards in time comes after “disturbing” figures from leading economists which showed Britain could face its worse year since MC Hammer was credited for his tireless work informing people what could and could not be touched.
Speaking in front of Downing Street, Mr Cameron was unequivocal: “It’s been a few hours of 2012 now and frankly me and George aren’t liking what we see.”
He is also said to have been absent from New Year celebrations having spent the late hours of December 31st resetting the time and date settings on every computer in parliament.
“The recession can’t hit us in 2012 if we stay here is 2011 now can it?” Questioned chancellor George Osbourne who reasoned that “the best way to avoid the economic hardships that would cripple the economy is to completely avoid them.”
“Inflation, deflation, house prices falling, poor GDP growth and all those public sector cuts we made will really start to kick in.”
‘We’re not going anywhere’
Facing pressure from rebellious MPs , George Osborne reminded conservative backbenchers that the cost to act as if an entire calendar year never happened would still be “far less than the amount we would have spent bailing out the Euro.”
The announcement has also caused some controversy as countries around the world begin the New Year, but Mr Cameron has called on Britons of every “race, colour and creed” to hunker down and “do your best to pretend 2011 hasn’t already happened.”
While the Conservative leader did admit it would be difficult lagging behind the rest of the world, he rejected claims he had made a knee-jerk reaction as “ridiculous” before encouraging the population to flip their 2011 calendars back to January and “party like it was 2010.”
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